Find Your Tribe!

In today’s modern world where it is easy to isolate yourself and possibly harder to connect with like-minded people, it is more and more important to find your tribe, the people you can vibe with, those who inspire you, and those who you can lean on for support.

What is your tribe?

Whether or not you are looking to increase your friend group or socialize more, it is a good exercise to figure out what your tribe is.

Spend some time thinking about the closest people to you. Do they increase your energy when you are with them? Are you inspired by the things they do or say? Do you find you are developing more good habits when you are around them? Are they there for you when you need someone to talk to or hang out with?  If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have found your tribe. If some of your answers to these questions feel shaky then it may be time to add some new members to your tribe or find a new tribe entirely.

Good tribe members for you are not necessarily going to share the exact same hobbies and interests but are more likely to share similar values and purposes in life. Think of the things you are passionate about and the things you cherish. Finding people who have similar energies in those areas and passions can help your mental and physical health. Humans are social creatures. We need to socialize in order to function properly. This does not mean that we should force ourselves to attend social events or hang out with people that add more stress and distress to our lives. Finding our tribe can be the key to unlocking our growth and happiness potential.

How do you find tribe members? 

The article Finding your tribe: the 7 steps you need to take from Happiness.com has some great ideas for where we can often find tribe members and add to our support systems. They mention that it is important to understand what we want from our tribe or tribes (yes you can have multiple tribes!). “Maybe you’re looking for a tribe that can support you while you're dealing with a break-up or the loss of a loved one. Or maybe you want to find a group that helps you reach your professional or fitness goals?”

Many of us have different tribes for different aspects of our lives. Work tribes, family tribes, hobby tribes, exercise tribes, even pet parent tribes. Consider the tribe you want to focus on and then try some of the following steps out!

1. Join groups!  Look for a group (or groups) to join that pique your interest. Join groups and discover that there are a lot of people out there who are interesting and often think similarly to yourself.
2. Say ‘Yes’ to everything! We get so used to turning offers down from friends or acquaintances that we often paint ourselves into a boring little box. Start saying yes to invitations. Be open-minded enough to try new things or do things that you are not completely comfortable with. Saying yes can open doors that we didn’t previously know even existed. This is one thing that I personally try to practice that has made a huge difference in my life and has helped enrich and beautify my life. Try it out! Even if things don’t end up being endlessly thrilling, there are often hilarious moments and stories that you can tell others simply because you said yes and tried something out of the ordinary.
3. Volunteer!  Find an organization or an event that needs volunteers and join up. Serving others actually also serves ourselves. By giving of our time to others we open ourselves up to knowing more people and experiencing new perspectives and factions of society. Giving back to society is also a very healthy activity for our psyches and our emotional health.  
4. Sign up for a new class! Sign up for a formal class or commit to an activity. You can find community cooking classes, pottery, sewing, photography, exercise, yoga, poetry, or improv classes as examples. Keeping our brains active and learning new things helps us to stay positive and less depressed. We will also have the opportunity to meet people that we may never have otherwise found out there.
5. Explore online communities! There are some very interesting groups and forums online where you can often find tribe members. Not everyone lives in an area stuffed with like-minded people, so these communities can be great for connecting and sharing passions about topics and hobbies.
6. Avoid being judgmental! The article by Happiness.com has some great advice on this topic: “When we spend a lot of time alone, we tend to get settled into our own ways and it can be harder to accept whatever doesn’t fit into our perceived standards. One of the keys to finding your tribe is trying to stay open-minded and not jumping to conclusions about the people you meet.  Indeed, as humans we label people based on stale pre-conceptions and rule them out as ‘too different’ from us. But in reality, we never know the real person until we spend time and share experiences with them. So, don’t be judgmental and give them a chance – it’s only fair.”
7. Be realistic! Keep in mind that no one person can be everything for you. As the saying goes, people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Having someone join your journey for any of those purposes is worthwhile and valuable. Some of the people that have helped jumpstart me back onto my path and healthy journey are no longer in contact with me, they were definitely a part of my life for a specific reason. Other friends and colleagues had purposes in my life that were more seasonal and no less important. Lastly, some people that you meet (and have yet to meet) will become important to you for the rest of your life. 

Go into meeting people with a realistic mindset and allow people to become whatever fits your life. Do not expect everyone to be a part of your life forever and contrastingly, do not try to make everyone in your life disposable and temporary. Flow like a river and life will sort those things out for you. 

Another part of being realistic is remembering that you need a support team, not just a support one or two. It is healthy to have many people you can talk to, visit with, attend events with, and be yourself around. When going through a tough time or a crisis it is easy to lean entirely on one friend, but keep in mind that you may want to spread your angst energy out among your support network and tribe. Challenging times shouldn’t also end up with you burning out your only friend and you feeling even more isolated or alone.

Myths and Realities about Finding Your Tribe

Psychology Today has a great article which highlights some of the myths and realities about finding your tribe. 

• MYTH 1: Instant recognition—you know right away this is the right person. REALITY: It takes time to get to know someone and it helps to invest in meeting regularly.
• MYTH 2: Your interests should match up. REALITY: Values, character, and purpose-driven callings are more likely to matter than common interests alone.
• MYTH 3: You have similar backgrounds to share. REALITY: Allow for some pleasant surprises and discoveries as you meet people who are different in age, socioeconomic group, culture, or race.
• MYTH 4: Agreement on all or most of your choices—the person “gets” you. REALITY: Openness and honesty may matter more than agreement.
• MYTH 5: Your tribe will last a lifetime. REALITY: If only that was true—and it does happen for some of us, but not all of us. 

Keeping these realities in mind will ensure that we are being realistic in our expectations for our tribes and among our tribe members. Feeling healthy in our minds and in our bodies heavily depends on us being healthy socially.

Put some effort into growing your tribes and you will reap the benefits of a more enriched life! Want to discuss this topic in more depth while working through your emotional and physical tension? Consider bringing it up in your next session with Posture Massage!