Try A Complaining Fast
As humans, we have evolved to complain when we are socializing with each other about various things. This habit helped us to avoid dangerous situations and defend our tribes against our enemies. It also helps to unite groups and strengthen our ties with others. One of the easiest ways to find an ally is to complain and see who holds your same opinions. As is often said, “Nothing unites people more strongly than a common dislike.” And that is about where the benefits of complaining end.
Costs of Complaining
Much like secondhand smoke, whining and complaining comes at a cost and can affect stress hormone levels, job performance, job satisfaction, and our interpersonal relationships. Stress hormones can harm neural networks involved in cognition and problem solving abilities. It has been found that the less a person complains the more likely they are to be happier, satisfied, and feel productive.
Doing a complaining fast can be a very beneficial thing for all of us. Much like trying to break a swearing habit, it can be difficult to immediately change complaining behavior. We get used to our habits whether good or bad. However, like any habit, the more we increase our awareness of our habit, the easier it becomes to change that habit.
Try It Out!
I recommend trying a complaining fast, even if it is just to reduce the amount of complaints you lodge in a day. It is estimated that people complain about once a minute when conversing with each other. So complaining less than that is surely a win! Venting is a necessity to reduce stress and keep from blowing up, so I often recommend that clients try to land in the middle ground on complaining and aim for a 50% reduction. This also has some benefits that I will mention in a bit.
Start your complaining fast by trying to go a day without complaining. Depending on the experience you have, you can then try to go for a few days or a week, then a month, a year, etc. By starting with a small goal we are able to try on the new habit, adjust to its reality, and sample its benefits. We can then decide if reducing complaining is something we want to continue incorporating into our lives more and more. So far, nobody I know that has done even a small complaining fast has thought it was useless. Try it out!
Tips:
The FastCompany has some great tips on how to begin to tackle your complaining:
1. START BY DEFINING WHAT A COMPLAINT IS
If you point out that it’s cold outside, is that a complaint? “No, that’s an observation,” Blake explains. “A complaint is, ‘It’s cold outside and I hate living in this place.’” Shapiro says she defines a complaint by the way it makes her feel: “I feel myself slouching and not breathing.”
2. TRACK HOW OFTEN YOU COMPLAIN AND WHAT ABOUT
Change starts with awareness. “You’re absolutely shocked,” says Blake. “After two or three hours of observing, it’s in the hundreds.”
3. SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM CHRONIC COMPLAINERS
If you must lend an ear, try to respond with something positive rather than joining in on the rant session. “You’ve really gotta be quite brave and confident and have the courage not to need the good opinion of another person,” says Blake. “You find over a period of time those people who complain constantly start to leave you alone because their brains are not getting that stimulus they’re looking for.”
4. TURN COMPLAINTS INTO SOLUTIONS
This is called “positive complaining” or “effective complaining.” As Wolfe says, “Don’t sit around and admire the problem.” Do something about it.
5. USE THE “BUT-POSITIVE” TECHNIQUE
This tip comes from Gordon: “If you find yourself griping, add a ‘but’ and say something positive,” he says. For example, “I don’t like driving to work, but I’m thankful at least I can drive and I even have a job.”
6. CHANGE “HAVE TO” TO “GET TO”
“I have to pick up the kids” becomes “I get to pick up the kids.” “You change a complaining voice to an appreciative heart,” Gordon says. “You’re gonna feel so much better the more you focus on the positive over time. At first, it’s gonna be a little awkward, but the more you get used to it, it becomes your natural state.”
How Complaining Affects our Bodies and Brains
The thoughts in our brains evoke emotions and chemicals to be released in our bodies. The release of these things throughout our bodies can contribute to our bodies struggling and developing issues. The less we complain the less likely we are to be as stressed and the more likely our bodies will remain strong and healthy.
I am a diplomat for connecting your brain and your body to each other in healthier ways. The more we can be aware of how much we complain, even mindlessly, the more we can turn those moments into times of reflection, growth, gratitude, or even positivity. This goes for how we speak with others but, and this may be even more important, also how we talk with ourselves internally. It is easy to run on autopilot and forget what our external and internal speech patterns are doing to us.
Other Benefits
Once we recognize a complaint and are aware of it coming to the surface we will have the opportunity to look at it from another angle to see if there are positives. These moments of awareness also help us to realize if we have any issues that are chronic and that we simply complain about but should be taking action on. Our lives can be way more fulfilling when we are resolving the things that bother us and when we are growing into who we want to be.
In our sessions at Posture Massage, we practice this very thing! As I am working on your body and brain we will likely be conversing about what is going on in your body/brain and how it ties to your life. I will often point out complaints to clients as they voice them. That way we are dissecting if the complaint is fixable, a habit, or tied to any discomfort in their bodies/brains. I even get work done on myself in similar ways with other massage therapists who I know. We all need an outside perspective at times. Want to try it out? Consider bringing it up in your next session with Julie at Posture Massage!
