In Your Control vs. Not In Your Control
It is very easy to get caught up in the worries, stresses, fears, and concerns that swirl around us. It is best to remind ourselves what we actually can control and what we cannot. Here are some tips for both!
What Is In My Control?
I like to start with reminding myself what is actually in my control. Here is a general list of things that influencer Emmy Lou Seaman compiled:
- Cultivating gratitude
- Setting boundaries
- How I treat myself
- How I speak to myself
- My choices + decisions
- Who I let into my life
- My coping mechanisms
- What I think about myself
- Seeking help + therapy
- How I show up for myself
- How I process emotions
- My behaviors + habits
- Saying 'no' and speaking up for myself
- How I allow myself to be treated
- How I respond when triggered
- Environments I choose to stay in or leave
Did any of these stand out to your? Did any of them cause feelings inside your body to occur? If so, what were they? Where were they? And how do you interpret them being there. Recognizing what we can control in our lives helps us to put our energy and positive stress into useful and growth oriented pathways.
What Is Not In My Control?
Conversely it is important to remind ourselves what things are not in control.
- What happened in the past
- What happens in the future
- What people did to me
- What people think of me
- How people react to me
- The actions of an abuser
- My parents' choices + actions
- My healing timeline
- My parents' apologies
- How people respond to my traumatic experience
Newsflash, jk probably not news for anyone but a reminder is healthy, you can't control other people. You can't control what goes on in their heads or how they react. The only time we can live is the present, the now, the exact now that you are in, well, now!
Too many of us get caught up in cycles of worry, stress, fear, etc. and usually it is tied to things we have absolutely no control over. Focus on what is within your sphere of influence and things will settle down much faster. I encourage you to share your stories with me, I LOVE them! One of the best parts about being a human is the chance to share our stories with each other, whether good, bad, sad, horrific, or embarrassing. They make us human and enhance our journeys on this planet!
