Life Is A Revolving Door

I have had this conversation a lot recently with some clients; life is a revolving door, people come in and people go out. As creatures that generally do not like change, especially with our social life and relationships, humans can get unsettled as people exit their lives. Below are some tips to keep in mind as our revolving door spins people in and out.

Rocket Boosters

Tyler Perry gave a great analogy that many people in our lives are there for a season and can act as rocket boosters. Some people enter our lives to help us along our journeys until we reach a higher level, at which point they may fall away or take another path. 

He said, rockets make it to space because the rocket boosters propel them forward and fall off at the right moment so they don’t drag the rocket back down. People that come into our lives can be similar. Some people enter our lives to energize us and boost us higher. We also act as boosters to other people in our lives. Not all friendships/relationships that we establish with other people in our lives are going to last until we die. Our revolving door lets people in and allows them to exit when the timing is right.

Some people that we are holding space for in our lives will not want it and in turn do not hold space for us. As unexpected as that can be and feel, there are also people in our lives who will appear and hold space for us just as unexpectedly. Allow others to show up differently in your life. Be open to the revolving door spinning. Preventing the revolving door from spinning in our lives only hurts ourselves. A stuck door traps those who want to get out and prevents others from getting into our lives. The more we allow life to flow and accept whatever wind blows our way, the less we will resist the positive possibilities that are constantly trying to enter our lives. 

A Reason, A Season, Or A Lifetime

As Tyler Perry hinted, there is an old adage that people are in our lives for either a reason, a season, or a lifetime. As much as we would like to think that everyone awesome and intriguing that enters our lives will be there forever, the truth is that many are only in our lives for a reason and/or a season.

This shouldn’t be a depressing fact. I guarantee that if you think about it, there are some people who you thought would be in your life forever and them exiting actually turned out to be a good thing. Some folks are in our lives for a very particular reason. They enter right when we need them and seem like angels. These friends are gems! They truly get us through some really tough times and then exit and off they go!

Other friends are around for a particular season of our lives. We lean on each other and grow together for a season. The fact that we are growing is a positive thing. If we outgrow each other or our circumstances change, these friends can often exit our lives like a season changing. Does this mean that we would have been better off without them, not at all. It simply means we are growing, evolving, moving, and changing with the times and seasons of our lives. Think back to someone who was very important to you for a season. These people are often the angels we needed at a particular time in our lives and have helped us to become who we currently are. 

Lastly, yes some people will be with us for a lifetime. These are the friends, family, and people who end up being a part of our lives, either by relation or choice. Each person who enters our life can play an important part, no matter if they are around for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. 

The best thing we can do is to keep this in perspective and be grateful and compassionate with those that are in our lives now. Recognize that life is ever changing and our door is ever revolving. Show gratitude for those in our lives and be the best person you can be for those who you bless by being a part of their lives. 

When either party outgrows each other or are no longer fitting well into each other’s stories, then it is time to head for the revolving door and move forward. There is no shame in moving forward in life; the door revolves people into our lives just as easily as it revolves people out. The key is not fighting the door, we will always lose when we fight against the inevitable. Being open to whatever and whoever comes our way makes life way more enjoyable and allows us to find the people who will help support our current version of ourselves. 

Bridges, to burn or not to burn

When we have a falling out or falling away from people in our lives it is often tempting to “burn bridges” with that person. While in some extreme instances burning bridges with someone may be appropriate, I caution you to leave more bridges intact than you burn. There is a tendency in our society to block, burn, and destroy the connections we have with others when we feel slighted, annoyed, or offended. 

This tendency to burn bridges is actually more of a defense mechanism than anything. We are fearful of being hurt and burning a bridge seems like it will vindicate us and our feelings. It usually does not make us feel any better and can seriously damage our future self from being able to salvage any shred of that relationship when we cool off, get perspective, or grow into a new version of ourselves. 

My advice is to leave your bridges intact with others but just stop crossing them. If you feel like you are going the extra mile for someone who won’t even cross the street for you, then it may be time to stop crossing that bridge. Does that mean you dump gasoline on it as you retreat and throw a vengeful match behind you as you turn away? Nope! Put your efforts and attention into other relationships/friendships. Cross other bridges and leave that one alone. 

Why not burn it? Well, you never know what other people are actually going through and how they are growing. You may find that by leaving that bridge intact they end up crossing it in the future when you find you really need a friend. It is surprising how our paths criss cross throughout life. Someone who was a part of your past may become a healthy part of your future, which would not be possible if you burned your bridge and scorched the earth. 

There have been many times in my life where, after a few years have gone by, I have reflected on past friendships and former versions of myself. In these reflections it is not uncommon for me to see how my story at that time in the past was missing pieces or complete chunks of awareness. I have had the blessing of reconnecting with friends from my past and learned that we all are flawed individuals who are usually doing our best given our circumstances. 

Don’t foster draining/negative relationships and friendships with other people. At the same time don’t allow your ego to scorch the earth and burn all chances of reconciliation with others. Usually our anger and resentment speaks louder about a former version of ourselves than it does about other people involved. Be compassionate to yourself and others by gracefully leaving pathways open for future travelers. 

Let’s talk more about it in your next session at Posture Massage!