Childhood Trauma & Its Effect On Our Adult Lives
When children are traumatized, one of the ways they cope with it is to soothe themselves and that’s where addictions come in. Trauma that happens to a child is very confusing for that child. They do not have the life experience and resilience that adults have from years of being alive in the world and from years of knowing what is okay and what is not okay to have happen. Children are vulnerable and will often blame themselves for the traumas that occur and the damages caused by those around them, especially if the damage was caused by a trusted loved one.
Humans are led down the path of addiction by their desire to feel better about themselves or something in their lives. Substances and experiences that are addicting can help to numb pain or distract people from the things they are avoiding processing. A dear friend of mine as a child watched his father physically and verbally abuse his mother due to alcoholism. His only brother killed himself (also tied to alcohol) when my friend was 19 years old. These traumas affected him greatly. Instead of talking to a therapist or seeking help he pushed those feelings and traumas down. He had become conditioned to believe that pushing his feelings and sorrows away was the best way to not have to feel the feelings.
The only thing that seemed to numb his legitimate pain and sorrow was alcohol. Unfortunately, alcohol became an addiction. He tried many programs and medications to try to break the addiction and unfortunately he passed away a year ago from liver failure. I talked to him just before he passed and he was still trying to process the trauma from his childhood. It was still affecting him and bothering him in unhealthy ways.
Most of us have not had as extreme of experiences as my friend but that does not mean that the traumas we experienced as a child are not still affecting us. Let me say here, I am not the type of person that looks to blame external things or to hit the “trauma/past experiences” buzzer on every inconvenience in my life to say that trauma is the root of all things. However, I have worked with enough clients to understand that traumas can be behind a lot of our unhealthy behaviors, behaviors that we often assume are simply a part of who we are and are unchangeable.
Another thing to consider is that traumas are simply events that were so unexpected that they made us feel unsafe and initiated a physiological and psychological response where we then had adrenaline, hormones, and chemicals dumped into our bloodstreams, thus cementing in our tissues and brains the traumatic event. Without processing out those chemicals and memories, we carry those triggers around with often very unhealthy behaviors or beliefs.
Another way that children cope, if they’ve been given the message that they are not good enough or worthy enough, is to spend the rest of their lives trying to prove otherwise. Children who experience not feeling worthy often become adults who are nice to everybody and lack boundaries. They often never say no to others’ requests and have a hard time expressing how they really feel to others because they worry that other people will abandon them or no longer like them. They rarely express when they are angry and avoid defending their own boundaries. They can become workaholics and overachievers simply because they think, even if it is subconsciously, that it is the only way to prove that they have worth.
They take on too much and eventually these stresses affect their physiology. The weight of feeling unworthy and avoiding dealing with childhood trauma can lead to disease and premature death. The burden of trauma can keep a person’s body in a state of stress and these stress hormones and chemicals can increase the chances of developing heart problems and cancers.
Brain and body work can help to release these traumas from our tissues. Working out our past traumas and setting free our tissues can help us to get rid of stresses and pains that have plagued us. Imagine realizing that you’ve been carrying a backpack full of heavy useless rocks around your whole life. Then imagine being able to drop each rock from your pack and continue forward. In time your shoulders and spine hurt less, your step feels lighter and your mind will be more at ease. All of us carry around things not meant for us.
Ready to drop some rocks from your pack? Consider bringing up this topic with Julie at Posture Massage! Think of her as a kindhearted trailguide who is very capable of pointing out features of your journey and possible links to behaviors. She owns her journey and allows you to own yours as well, wholeheartedly and zestily!
