Negative Spirals Downward
We have all been there, we woke up grumpy or something small did not go our way and suddenly it seems like the Universe has conspired against us. We feel like we have suddenly become a negativity magnet. If anything could go wrong, it does! What started out as a neutral day has become a horrible, “can I please skip today” kind of day.
This is a real phenomenon! I’m sure you are hoping that I will say, “Don’t worry it wasn’t your fault” but alas, worry! It was your fault!
How is it your fault? Well, let’s dive in, not to wallow in self-pity or guilt, but in order to raise our self-awareness so that negative spirals happen less frequently.
I enjoy this quote from Forbes Magazine on this topic, “Negative spirals are those patterns that make us slip from feeling positive and capable of getting results into a negative fog that make us feel all our actions are pointless and doomed to failure.
In all negative spirals, negative results always start with a negative thought and not with a negative action!”
How do negative spirals work?
Our lives are often full of feedback loops; a feedback loop (either positive or negative) is the process in which the outputs of a system are circled back and used as inputs, thus creating even more of those outputs, which in turn circle back and on we go!
In this case, something usually sets off our first negative thought, which then causes us to ruminate and think of worst case scenarios or even more negative things. That negative energy then cycles back and we draw more negativity into everything we encounter. We interpret whatever is happening around us as negative and targeted at ourselves.
Our ability to be compassionate and forgiving goes out the window the more we spiral in negativity. We allow ourselves to believe we are a victim and that this big scary hairy bad day has captured us. If you have the tendency to be stubborn, then buckle up because you are very likely to force that negative spiral to the depths of cynicism and poopy pants.
Another effect that our first negative loop in the spiral has is that it lowers our vibrations, in other words we start to give off a bad vibe. Most of us have experienced this through the joys of having parents or siblings. As a friend of mine put it,
“I could be having a perfectly fine day and my older sister could simply say ‘why are you so ornery today,’ then as a reaction I would say ‘I AM NOT ORNERY!’ Thus, ensuring that I became more and more ornery as she pestered me into having a bad mood. She really knew what she was doing and could get me to sink into very sour moods automatically, until I got old enough to recognize what she was doing.”
How can we turn a negative spiral downward into a positive spiral upward?
Paloma Cantero-Gomez when writing for Forbes suggested the following steps to flip your spiral’s direction:
Step 1- Recognize it!
The first step for fixing a problem is to acknowledge that the problem exists. If you are not able to recognize your negativity spiral, you will not be able to deal with it appropriately. Unless you recognize them on time, negative spirals will grow and escalate, drowning your whole day and the people involved in it without you even realizing there is no real evidence for your negative thoughts.
Step 2- Find the starting point!
Okay. It is happening. I am in the middle of a growing negative spiral. And now what! Where can I find the starting point? A big clue: In all negative spirals, negative results always start with a negative thought and not with a negative action! So what was your negative thinking? Look back for this precise moment where all the negativity began and make a choice to think a different thought! Ask yourself: where does it all go wrong? What is the thought that is making it all go out of control? Just by finding this thought you can make the decision to have a new positive one that will help to reverse the whole process!
Step 3- Fight the negative with positive!
And take action. Replace this negative thought and develop your positive spiral! Considering that you have not received news about the approval of your project yet because your boss is clearly taking it into favorable consideration and studying the way forward! Communicating a ‘no’ always takes less time than communicating a ‘yes.’ Just a bit more patience and you will be able to start working on the big project, being promoted and buying the house of your dreams!
Too often we allow our minds to assume the worst. We never think the best is going to happen and consequently, we invest our energies in worrying and complaining instead of on moving forward.
Step 4- Just do it!
One of the most effective ways to keep negativity in line is to worry less about thinking about doing it and worrying more about actually doing it. By actually working on it, we focus and invest all our energy in getting the right things done instead of elucidating about whether they will happen or not. Just do it!
M Power Minds gives the following steps which are also good tools to add to your “anti-negative spiral” toolkit:
How to Reverse a Downward Spiral
1. Be Aware – Just being aware that this is a downward spiral and that you are in it, can help you accept and label it as something else.
2. Find the Facts – Go through what is causing the negative emotions or thoughts to find out what is actually true, rather than the worst case scenario that you have thought it to be.
3. Write it Down – When you put your thoughts to paper, you will often see that the challenge is not as big as you make it out to be. It also helps seeing it from a ‘third-party’ perspective.
4. Shift Your Focus of Attention – Start by focusing on one positive thing every day like the hug of a family member, or that nice song you heard and bring that to the forefront rather than the negative emotion.
5. Be In the Present – Practice breathing and mindfulness to accept your challenges and be in the present rather than trying to push them away.
6. Manage Your Expectations – Ask yourself what part of the problem can you realistically do something about and what is outside of your control.
7. Keep an Emergency Relief Kit – Keep a few positive things handy like essential oils, a favorite t-shirt, a happy song, a journal, or a snack that will instantly make you feel better.
8. Be Compassionate Towards Yourself – Remind yourself that not everything can be perfect and negative emotions are completely natural.
9. Increase your DOSE – Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin and Endorphins are happy chemicals. Activities like meditating, getting a massage, playing with a pet, and socializing can increase these happy chemicals.
10. Exercise – Get out, get moving. Reduce the use of alcohol, sugar and caffeine.
11. Reach out for Help – Do not hesitate to seek professional help to overcome your overwhelming feelings.
One tool that I think is crucial in combating negative spiraling is laughter. A common thread in the weaving of a negative spiral downward is taking ourselves and circumstances too seriously. There are many times when I am so frustrated by a negative thought or situation that I end up calling a close friend in order to have them help me find the humor in it. I am lucky that most of my friends are really amused by my negative reactions so they immediately start laughing and help me to find the humor in what is going on.
It is not uncommon for us to answer each other’s phone calls already laughing before we have even said a word. Laughter helps us to pull our heads out of our proverbial butts and gain some perspective. A good laugh can help to clear our tissues and bodies of the negative energy and emotions that we have let tension and frustration build up. It also lends us some distance from our current pity party and invites us to choose a different path.
I absolutely love hearing people’s stories about a day when they had a negative spiral downwards to the depths of their dark souls. Please bring it up in your next session with Posture Massage and let’s laugh our way through our shared experiences!
