Why We Dissociate & What To Do About It
Dissociation is being disconnected from the here and now. Everyone occasionally has times of daydreaming or mind wandering, which is normal. Sometimes dissociation is a way of coping by avoiding negative thoughts or feelings related to memories of traumatic events.
When people are dissociating they disconnect from their surroundings, which can stop the trauma memories and lower fear, anxiety and shame. Dissociation can happen during the trauma or later on when thinking about or being reminded of the trauma.
When dissociation is connected to trauma memories or reminders, it is considered an avoidance coping strategy. The difference from active avoidance (on purpose avoiding thinking about or doing something) is that dissociation tends to happen without planning or even awareness.
Many times, people who are dissociating are not even aware that it is happening, other people notice it. Just like other types of avoidance, dissociation can interfere with facing and getting over a trauma or an unrealistic fear. It can also interfere with school or doing other activities that require paying attention and being in the here and now.
Signs of dissociation
- Spacing out; day dreaming
- Glazed look; staring
- Mind going blank
- Mind wandering
- Sense of world not being real
- Watching self from outside
- Detachment from self or identity
- Out of body experience
- Disconnected from surroundings
A GoodTherapy article “The Brain in Defense Mode: How Dissociation Helps Us Survive” describes dissociation as follows:
“For the traumatized individual, dissociation may help him or her to survive circumstances that may have otherwise been intolerable. Dissociation can help a person feel as if situations, his or her body sensations, emotions that would have been overwhelming, etc., are muted and distorted so he or she can then go into “autopilot” mode and survive extreme situations and circumstances. When trauma is ongoing, dissociation can become “fixed and automatic.”
When this is the case, integration of memories becomes difficult for the brain, and the brain also continues to send off signals of danger, even when the traumatic situation is over. This can continue for years after a traumatic situation has ended.”
Although dissociation helps us to survive moments of trauma and triggering, if we do not process those things causing our dissociation we can often stunt our growth potential and be walking around with added stress on our bodies and brains.
Mild and Subtle Dissociation Symptoms
Andrea Michelson interviewed psychologist Rebecca Semel in an Insider article which describes some subtle signs of dissociation which many of us experience. She states:
“Feeling "out of it" for one day doesn't mean you have a dissociative disorder, but if you find yourself losing chunks of time or feeling like you're outside your body several times a week, it could be something to discuss with a professional, Semel said.
You find yourself 'losing time'
Dissociating may be conflated with "zoning out" because in both cases, people can forget a period of time as if they were never there.
Also known as "losing time," this feature of dissociative disorders is often associated with traumatic events. A clinical diagnosis of dissociative amnesia must be specific to a certain time, and it may occur suddenly.
"Someone might have been trying to talk to you, and you suddenly look like you don't know what they're saying, or you might lose those few minutes of time that you have dissociated," Semel said. "It's like you're not present in your body at that time."
You find yourself going 'outside your body' in times of stress
Some people describe looking down at their hands as if they belong to someone else, while others feel like they are floating above their bodies and watching life on the ground, Semel said.
For instance, someone with a history of emotional or verbal abuse may find themselves "out of body" mid-argument, to the point where they feel like they're watching actors in a movie. Even if the argument doesn't specifically relate to prior trauma, it still has the potential to trigger deeply rooted anxiety.
As a clinical psychologist, Semel's job is to ask questions about what feelings preceded the moment of dissociation so she can help patients work through those emotions.
"If you really feel like you're outside of your body multiple times a day or every day in a week, then that's probably a sign something more serious is going on," she said.
You feel emotionally numb
People who dissociate also report feeling disconnected from themselves and their emotions, Semel said. The brain may be defending itself from emotions associated with traumatic events, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, unless it becomes chronic.
"It's almost like a shield going up," Semel said. "It's your brain sort of protecting you from negative feelings, from trauma and traumatic experiences."
The world around you doesn't feel real
Other symptoms of dissociation include feeling like the world around you is not real, or derealization. This may feel like time is either slowing down or moving fast… or the people around you may appear distorted or unreal.”
